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Cindy's avatar

Wonderful post! I feel inspired by your framing of emotional eruptions! Thanks for sharing the wisdom of your dream, I love that these feelings come from the core. The image of the contents suspended in mid air made me think about how my emotions are full of information about myself and what’s important to me. The image conjures a pause for reflection, what’s coming up - rather than blind expression and regret and missing the message?? Thank you!!

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Christian Sawyer's avatar

What a fun and fascinating post. I’ll share some thoughts, perspectives.

I may have the opposite orientation — rather than feel put off by destructive explosions, I am drawn to them. I chase the “death drive” dragon. (Currently I am learning how to tame and ride the dragon, use its destructive power more carefully and intentionally.)

By contrast, I dated a girl who I knew had a hard time accepting destructive energy. I once asked her to yell as loud and monster-like as she could, like a singer in a hardcore band. She couldn’t bring herself to do it because it would be “too out of character”.

That’s funny isn’t it, how we come to identify with these constructed narrative characters? They can be comforting, stabilizing, orienting. Childhood family dynamics probably play the biggest role in how we tend to relate to our narrative character — almost like the bedroom we grew up in. Was it a fun space or a prison? Safe or dangerous? Clean or dirty? Bare-walled or decorated to taste? To what extent are we still living in that bedroom?

When I went to Costa Rica and participated in two medicine ceremonies, a spirit guide appeared in the first ceremony and told me: ‘Your house has no foundation. The best thing to do is burn it down and build it again from the ground up.’ The second ceremony was a nonstop eruption. Crying, laughing, terror, surrender. But I suppose when the soul wants to grow, it sometimes require a bigger stronger house to live in. But it is, finally, devastating to say goodbye to the old house, no matter how terrible it may have been.

I believe we cry to dissolve the old and accept the new, to facilitate change, whether that’s the sorrow of a final goodbye or the joy of a long-desired hello.

In the I Ching, hexagram 14 consists of the fire trigram within the heaven trigram, perhaps an analog of your dream vision. The fortune for that hexagram is simple and positive: “Great wealth. Highest blessing.” And it also indicates mid-day in the winter season, which also matches your dream imagery.

It strikes me that your dream image is not unlike a giant fiery halo.

The halo indicates connection to god, and fire represents creative destruction.

Allowing myself to speculate intuitively, I wonder if it could represent a calling to a very deep individuation, where one is not merely being reborn, but learning to be reborn in every moment.

I recall the famous scripture: “Not my will, but thine, be done.”

It’s about letting go of the boundary between self and god, right?

Jung: “I cannot define for you what God is. I can only say that my work has proved empirically that the pattern of God exists in every man, and that this pattern has at its disposal the greatest of all his energies for transformation and transfiguration of his natural being.”

Just for fun, here’s my translation of hexagram 14:

14 - Wealth

You followed your heart and it led you to El Dorado.

Line 1: Don’t roll dice with the bandits and you’ll keep a good name. Stick to the high road, no matter the dust and thorns.

Line 2: You’ve got a wagon, you’ve got a map, and you’ve got nothing to worry over.

Line 3: The child benefits from the family wealth, away from the influence of scoundrels.

Line 4: False humility won’t serve you.

Line 5: Your inclination is to rub elbows and show off a little. That’s a good thing.

Line 6: The heavens themselves are watching over you — the opportunities are endless.

(FYI, the lines typically map to the body energy system, almost like chakras. 1: feet, 2: legs, 3: belly, 4: heart, 5: head, 6: fate)

I’ll wrap up with inquiries that have surfaced: When does our concern (or belief) shift from “I am good” to “it’s all good” … when do we make peace with the fact that life will always be chaotic … when can we relax into the depth of self that survives even our most dramatic and terrifying transformations (and what identifications must we part with as we relax so deeply)?

This was a longer comment than I anticipated, but fun to write, so thanks for the invitation

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