Evolutions in the Creative Process

Welcome to The Artemisian

“Suffering and conflict are the only way to grow. As life moves from phase to phase, you have to suffer the death of one and the birth of the next.” - Marion Woodman

Since late summer my public work has retreated into hibernation after what felt to be a marathon of Zoom events, live workshops, client sessions, podcasts and weekly social media upkeep. Golden Shadow has sat dormant without an update around our absence, I suppose neither of us were sure how long we would be on hiatus. We just stepped back.

It was a decision driven by my need to slow down, to reflect and allow the energy that had flowed outward to find its way back within. The complexity, resiliency and commitment required to realize this creative project had slowly worn me down overtime. I struggled with the demands of being on a creative schedule while juggling other responsibilities in my life. The disembodied nature of the internet and the strangeness that breeds was hard to grapple with. Being on video and sharing my points of view could at times feel overwhelming with the vastness of the audience.

For months the fate of Golden Shadow, or any of my online work, has hung in a delicate balance. There is a tension of opposites, a frustrating ambivalence — I am drawn to explore this realm openly and publicly but I also feel an instinct to withdraw, be more private and holdback. The online space is one that is intimidating and disorienting. Before the pandemic began, I taught classes and saw clients in-person at a local spot in my hometown. The sense of community, the aliveness of connection and the ability to handle any issues head-on suited my personality and work style.

Going online has been an adjustment from the beginning. And I think typical challenges hit me a bit harder than I expected. It made me question if I had the resiliency to be an online creator.

But there were times of success that energized and re-affirmed the power and purpose in the work we did. The ShadowPlay Speaker Series at The Stoa, hosting Murray Stein on the podcast, being featured on the Rebel Wisdom YouTube Channel and receiving an invitation to be guest lecturers for their Live Players course. What a dream come true! None of this could have happened if I had stayed within the confines of my small community space in the Bay Area. Going online expanded what I thought was possible while bringing me into conflict with what I wanted to avoid.

This brings me back to Marion Woodman’s quote at the beginning of this post. Yes, suffering and conflict is a way towards meaningful growth, if we are willing and able to participate fully. Through collisions we come further into consciousness because we allow the structures of our psyche to be tested and pushed to its limits. As it falls apart we can admit to ourselves that the foundations were outdated, fractured, worn out. If we choose to rebuild, if our will is strong enough, we grow in the process.

I have been resisting many aspects that are demanding death because to be reborn into something more balanced, more whole, feels threatening. There’s a temptation to stay small, to refuse the call, to do what feels comfortable. I think that often happens when you’re on the edge of something powerful, when you’re on the cusp of a transformational experience.

That’s the exciting part though, that’s what makes you human — how hard it is, the failures along with the successes. Where you falter is likely where you will meet your greatest teacher, where you’ll uncover entrenched shadow. As Jung says: “The right way to wholeness is made up of fateful detours and wrong turnings.”

In the spirit of honoring my wrong turnings, that is acknowledging the steps backwards and the lessons learned, I’m dipping my toes back in. I’m marching into the crucible despite how the heat makes me want to shy away. I’m holding fast to how powerful this work has been, how much it has already changed me, how much joy and fulfillment I get by doing it. If I go willingly into the arms of Death, allowing the old layers of the project and myself to slip away, I sense that we both will expand with new life.

Beginning this Substack is a part of the evolution. I’m tired of playing by the rules of social media platforms, which contributed to burn out and frustration. I want to write with freedom. I want to reflect on what is helping me in my own inner work. I want to continue sharing the threads of my scholarly pursuits, covering different books I’m reading or subjects that have captured my attention. I want to cultivate a space of grounded education and curious exploration.

When inspiration strikes, when I have something meaningful to share, I will post.

Welcome all, I’m excited for this journey to begin.

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Update: New podcast episode

What is the creative process? Why are experimentation and failure such an important part of it? In what way is the project of Golden Shadow an ever-evolving creative process?