4 Comments
User's avatar
⭠ Return to thread
Laura Durban's avatar

I absolutely have. After my first blissful encounter of what trust and self love (in my version also love for all that life brings) feels like through my first own well prepared cacao ceremony for myself, I had a three day long anxiety attack around 2/3 weeks later. Which totally shook me to my core, never having experienced such intensity before and that almost alone in the far northwest of Iceland during a snow storm. And it so had to happen for me to slowly over years realise my anxiety I carrried, which now surfaced and my worries and mental struggles finally got detached from my identity and I could actively move forward in my healing. Plus I discovered myth and meaning in life which led me to where I am today, a calm and centred mom and self employed happy family financial provider through the means of incredibly fun work. And just today before your post, I felt one of these waves of stagnation, of mental pull and fear of not being able to provide rent for next month, of needing to get work done and noticing my distractive behaviour. Alas, here comes another layer, a new chance to alchemise. It’s becoming less intense, less black I guess but there’s always new layers

Expand full comment
Alyssa Polizzi's avatar

Thank you for sharing, it's really interesting how a seemingly powerful, beautiful, healing experience can also open a door to so much intensity and instability. It seems counterintuitive!

I'd like to think that touching something healing has the effect of widening our window of tolerance. With that greater capacity, we can feel more, touch into parts of ourself that were previously in shadow.

Yes, always new layers. I often have the image of inner work as a spiral that is constantly unfolding. It's never linear, and we often meet the same issues time and time again. Hopefully with new awareness, compassion, insight.

Expand full comment
Laura Durban's avatar

Oh and dare I say I get excited about it, hence why my passion for your publication and shadow work. The feelings are still tough, the struggle is real but once I learned how to hold myself and discover ways to navigate, there is an element of excitement knowing a rebirth is waiting on the other side

Expand full comment
Alyssa Polizzi's avatar

I agree! It's so hard, sometimes impossibly difficult in a way that feels insurmountable. Staying with those feelings and moving through it does lead to a sense of rebirth. The first time I experienced that in a meaningful way, it was incredible, exciting, it made me feel more energized to continue :)

Thank you for your support and kind words, means so much.

Expand full comment