Finding the Inner Mirror

Uncovering resources for grounding and well-being

In this edition of The Artemisian, I'll be answering a question submitted by a paid member. If you'd like to submit one of your own, consider joining the membership community. Upgrading allows you to deepen your studies and inner work via in-depth monthly classes, access to the resource library and more¹.

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A paid member writes…

Lionel Corbett describes the self-object as ‘anyone who keeps us feeling glued together and enhances our sense of wellbeing’ and suggests that when one has grown up with self-object needs unmet, that person is likely to be in continual search for 'what is missing’. I am 62, have searched for decades. I suspect its too much to ask of another person, so how does one find a self-object that can help with personal cohesion and well-being.

The Mirror by Frank Bernard Dicksee  

Coined by psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut within his theoretical framework known as Self psychology, the term selfobject explores nuances surrounding the young, developing psyche of a child. In the early stages, before we have a differentiated ego strong enough to mediate experience, we are reliant upon others (typically caregivers) to hold the pieces of our psychic structure together. Through the experience of another person we find attunement; they provide resonance, acknowledgment, and containment that affirms a sense of well being and grows the personality.

“When selfobject needs are responded to, the Self is able to incarnate into a self.”

— Lionel Corbett, The Religious Function of the Psyche

Dr. Corbett further weaves this into Jung’s theory of the Self². This is the archetype of wholeness that sits at the center of our personality. In Jungian thought, it plays many roles: it regulates the psyche, acts as a transpersonal force “the God within” and produces numinous experiences, it encompasses the totality of who we are (both conscious and unconscious), it drives and guides individuation, etc.

This highlights that the process at hand is decidedly inward, that the drama of our psychological development is in focus. Despite needing the support, empathy and validation of the other, what it ultimately does is activate and facilitate a natural ability of our psyche to construct necessary frameworks of self-esteem, identity, purpose and grounding.

The selfobject, or the relationships we have with others, acts as a bridge that takes us deeper into ourselves. Rather than becoming an extension of that person or becoming reliant on what they provide, their love and support connect us to the guiding principle within. This takes us further into a subtle landscape of the unconscious, to archetypal essences that can influence and mediate our growth.

The trouble comes, as this member notes, when early needs are unmet. If the negative experiences are continuous, traumatic, and disintegrative, we never depart from the interpersonal harbor of safety we so instinctually yearn for as children. We are searching continuously for something that is missing, we lack the ability to regulate our emotions, we are hungry to fill the void and to be reflected in the light of someone else’s love and attention.

As an adult, however, there is one aspect of this phenomena that is markedly different: we have an established psychological point of view, a good-enough ego perspective, to develop tools of introspection and understanding.

The child’s psyche is under-resourced, it must be held together by the other. The adult’s psyche has autonomy, it can choose how to establish cohesion. In his book, Corbett demonstrates how a therapeutic situation (such as the consistent work between analyst and client) can act as an intermediary for selfobject needs. The therapist plays the role of caregiver, responding to a sufficient enough degree that allows healing to take place.

But as he notes,

“The transference and countertransference are actually motivated by the Self in a very specific manner, moving both people towards wholeness, although still experienced through the empirical personalities involved. To some extent, this awareness frees the therapist from understanding the whole of the interaction at the personal level. In its turn, this freedom has the eventual effect of allowing the patient to sense the reality of the Self without the necessity of the therapist’s presence.”

This ties us back to the inner principle. Although interpersonal dynamics are integral to a life of meaning, they are not the only means of selfhood. Although working with a therapist can help, it ultimately is meant to reconnect us back to the generative ground within. The task then becomes:

How does one, whose early developmental needs were unmet, find the inner bridge to the depths of the unconscious, to the Self, and its ability to organize, regulate and construct our psyche?

This is where the idea of mirroring comes into play, but rather than coming from an external source, we look inwards.

The Psychosomatic Mirror

Mariana in the South by John William Waterhouse

“In dreams a mirror can symbolize the power of the unconscious to "mirror" the individual objectively—giving him a view of himself that he may never have had before.”

—Marie Louise von Franz, Man and His Symbols

The desire to be mirrored outwardly is nested in selfobject needs — to be seen, reflected, affirmed, matched, made to feel real and substantial. Curiously, the mirror as a collective symbol crops up often in archetypal contents, revealing that our capacity to experience and harness this function lies within the instinctual basis of our being.

When the evil stepmother gazes into the magic mirror and sees Snow White, we understand that there is a link between aspects of the feminine in the devouring mother and the budding heroine. They contain each other, pointing towards our ability to navigate developmental strife and find integration.

Or Perseus who uses the mirror-like shield of Athena to catch the reflection of Medusa, an indirect tracking of a shadowy, destructive presence that allows the hero to slay the gorgon. Through wise calculation and strategic resourcing, we can overcome and transform a hostile inner dynamic.

As Marie Louise von Franz shares in the quote above, the unconscious can be a mirror for the ego. It shows us parts of ourselves that we are not aware of, it hints at where we need to focus and gather strength, it provides boons that support us on the path of inner work.

The mirror of self-knowledge illuminates the dark inner landscape when we feel untethered. One of the easiest ways to do this is to develop a consistent practice of writing down, interpreting and communing with our dreams. Each night we are offered a portal to our psychological depths through the rich images and symbols that make up dream contents. They are simultaneously personal in nature, the dream plays upon our associations and experiences, while also containing archetypal threads that link back to collective dynamics and foundational internal structures.

More pointedly, I find getting intentional with dreamwork during times of need to be important. Like visiting the temple of Asclepius, the goal is to cultivate a receptive attitude so a healing dream can be received that provides guidance and insight. A simple incubation would suffice. Before bed, write down, meditate on or consider the words: What inner resource can provide the grounding and cohesion I am seeking? Then, work with the dream that comes that night (or the in the following days), unpacking its imagery and deciphering its application³.

One could also take this query into an active imagination⁴, conjuring the resources by standing at the threshold of waking consciousness and beckoning into the deep. Much like a shamanic journey, we dip into psychic layers during these experiences. We can meet beings who have clear autonomous power in the psyche, and through internal communication, we gain clarity, are provided a hint, or have a healing experience.

Another option is to fall deeper into the body and its somatic wisdom. What felt-sense impressions do you notice from this inquiry? Rather than jumping into the imaginal, pay attention to the quality of your breath, a tingling sensation growing from your feet, the way your hands grip in a show of strength and resolve. How would you interpret these movements or impressions if you thought about them symbolically or psychologically? A strengthening belly breath can be the gathering of inner resolve, the tingle from below can be the rooting of a new sense of ground, the hand movements prepare you to have a grip and self-authority. The body speaks in its spontaneous movements just as the unconscious speaks via the images of dreams.

Anecdotally, I have time and again found working in these capacities to be exceptionally moving. Although we may suffer from a sense of fragmentation or experience emotional flooding and overwhelm, there is within the shadow a treasure trove of resource. These discoveries are pieces of the archetypal Self that are driving us toward wholeness and realization. Cloaked within our inner images, fantasies, symbols, impulses, body movements are the imprints of a guiding light that has purpose, a telos that has the capacity to hold all of which we are.

Finding the inner mirror by working with the psychosomatic unconscious does not mean we cannot also complement it with relationships to others. The internal focus merely points to the wellspring of reserves that are at our disposal. Establishing this makes connection to others more refined, where we are less likely to put too much on another or to become overly dependent. In turn, we empower ourselves to move through the world with greater self-awareness, resilience, and autonomy.

Join the conversation

What are your thoughts on selfobject needs? How would you approach establishing an inner mirror? Are there other mythic/archetypal stories that feature a mirror that come to mind?

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Archetypal Guidance Q&A

Paid Members - Interested in having your inquiry answered in the next Q&A? Submit a question about archetypal and Jungian psychological ideas as they relate to your inner work below.

1. Info on member benefits can be found here.

2. The uppercase spelling is indicative of the archetypal phenomena, where the lowercase refers to the general sense of “I”.

3. For more instruction on working with dreams, see my class on an Introduction to Jungian Dreamwork.

4. See my post, Guiding Principles for Active Imagination, for further instruction.